I hate it when strangers say "I don't bite."
Yeah, because the first thing I think when I meet somebody is “Holy shit, this bitch is gonna bite me.”
seamusodoherty: I want to sleep all the time but I also want to stay awake all the time
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not...– 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (via tweedlejess)
During our transition into the digital age, we’ve forgotten the lessons...– -J.D. Bentley | Our Glowing Captors (via simplifyyourlife)
How I flirt: *stares from distance*
when i see myself in my bathroom mirror: wow i look good
when i see myself in a public mirror: ... well, fuck
I wish getting a job in real life worked like it does on the Sims. Just pick up a newspaper, join the Politics career and eventually become President through building up your charisma skill by talking to yourself in a mirror.
queenoffreakingeverything: my favorite game is called “how many episodes can I watch in one night” I love the bonus round where you try to convince yourself that you can watch a 45 minute episode in like 20 minutes it’s the most fun when you play it during finals though.
aleetlepinch: I’m so sick of people thinking they can just waltz into my room when I’m obviously listening to music in 4/4.
non-english speaker: I am awfully sorry at the terrible state of my English abilities, as for the English language is not my mother tounge. I hope you forgive me for every foolish mistake I make.
people with english as their first language: lol it okei doe
Things I Say While Driving
Me: Fuck you, oh. Fuck. You.
Me: What the fuck are you doing. What. The fuck. Are you doing.
Me: NICE BLINKER ASSHOLE.
Me: Good luck in the slow lane there, bud.
Me: Why the FUCK are we not even going to speed limit. Why.
Me: Lolol your car's a piece of shit.
Me: If I miss that green light because of you...
Me: You're gonna cut me off? You better hope you have a damn good accelerator, bitch.
Me: I AM GOING TEN MILES PER HOUR OVER THE SPEED LIMIT WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT
Me: Shit is that a cop? No.
Me: Shit THAT is a cop.
Me: Nope, roof rack.
Me: Nice 92 Civic, bro. That huge muffler really makes it look nice. I almost thought you were a Ferrari for a second.
To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the...– Ralph Waldo Emerson (via ruineshumaines)